What the hell is going on here? Who cares!

I've lost my heart and I'm burning my soul. Life is a mess, I don't know where I'm going. I'm surrounded by life, but I can't feel it, I'm a shadow of my former self. I've lost so much without having no one to blame, I look now and it creeps me out. I'm going back to my home town next month, work on my thesis, go every day to Lisbon and back, get a job, get a driver's license, get a life... And all for what? For myself? Self satisfaction? Self masturbation! That's what I call it. And what about all the people that surround me and all the choices that I make and influence them? Who cares it's all for me, I'm important, me and my carrier... And everything else is just a lie that I tell myself so I can sleep at night, I wipe it under the rug of my own conscience... "You can't always get what you want" but guess what? "If you try sometimes... you get what you need!" Of course when we are to self focused this all turns out to be looked at as psycho bullshit. And my words and my actions? Well there mine and I have no responsibility for them cause they only matter to others, for me it was just another day. Tomorrow I will wake up and remember nothing, why? As I said wipe it under the rug. Jump from one shitty relationship to another like a kanguru-fly, like there is no one suffering for it cause we are all individuals... And if you think you can understand what the fuck I'm talking about, your better off selling your brain to a colon cancer patient... cause there's no sense to be made of this pseudo-rhetorical speech. Yes I'm talking in your face, yes I'm tauting you with my giant loupe, strait in your face as arrogant as a person can be, or I can be at least. For a moment I lost myself, I was starring at this screen feeling sorry for whats happening, for the suffering I've been put through lately, for the disappointments... But the truth is it ain't over yet so why bother? Why try to believe and expect, friends? I don't care I'm tired of chasing my tail around, time to wait and see, you forget so easily I remember all to much. No one likes a smart ass, I take the next step, strangled, beaten up, I jump without a net, hoping no one will catch me or soften my fall...
P.S.: Isto é no que dá re-encontros nostálgicos e anos de tortura em campos de concentração... Vou morar para a Ossétia do Sul caguei para isto tudo! Pff!