200 posts, One Year, Autopsychography of an Insomniac in Tales of Insomnia

Sometime ago in a little town, a little boy made his journey everyday from home to school, just like any other little boy. He spent his night contemplating the window, watching the cars on the road passing bye and thoughts run through his mind. Dreaming every night of a different place to be, a different face to have, a different person to be. Trying to fit in, belonging no where. Stranded somewhere between those who are rejected and those who are accepted, he drifted, some say freely... Indeed this boy grew up, just like any other little boy, he had his heart broken, he had his first kiss, he had his first fight, he made love for the first time and so on and on. He found himself deadly wounded, he found himself blinded, he escaped and fled to roam another day, without help, alone. "Being alone isn't what everyone thinks it is..."-he thought to himself. "Being alone is another state of the mind, one that not everyone is ready to find. When people think they're better of alone it's because they strive for someone, otherwise they wouldn't even consider that they're alone. Being alone is being yourself... and if you're yourself and you have no one, then you have three choices: believe you haven't found the right person, believe there is no one for you or procrastinate the choice..."- for a teenage boy his thoughts were older, depressively brighter then the sun was that day. The teenage boy became almost a man, trapped between a kid and a grown up, fighting to belong. It seems it's a fight of a lifetime... Just like any other young man he dreamed of living in the capital, of being in a city where he could blend in. Alone he found someone, a place where he could be himself and have something more to look forward. And in that place he dreamed, he got lost, he found the truth, he discovered lies, he found disappointments, he grew up... But was is so especial about this boy, nothing really, he has flaws, he has addictions, he lies... The only thing abnormal about him is his mind, the thoughts that roam in it, his addiction for giving himself hole to someone, always to find pain in the other side and his thoughts never stop. Speaking to himself doesn't seem so amusing as it used to be, he finds discomfort in monologues that made him so happy in the old days. Now he dreams of being alone with someone, of being part of something more then alone, of crossing the desert were there's always a well somewhere... In time it can be found, in time anything can change with action. H-8 lets him breath while his mind stops for a while, but why does it roam so much, even when everything seems fine? To protect him? To disappoint him? Because he can. It doesn't torment him, it makes him alert, it makes him care. When you stop caring there is no more point, your just pretending. Pretending is the worst kind of lie, you pretend not to save a situation, you pretend to save a hole scenario, no point in that... Let the scenario fall to pieces, let yourself be yourself, alone... Boy becomes man, man becomes older and wiser, still humans will never be more then humans... Slowly the sun rises, another night without sleeping has ended, darkness fades.